


Behind The Scenes: Invade My Relationship Tag

by EmoPenguin4



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Reality TV, Reality TV AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-01 18:26:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15149198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmoPenguin4/pseuds/EmoPenguin4
Summary: "After a hard day's work at set, the actors like to kick back and relax. I chronicle some of my interactions with them, which occasionally include teasers to what ideas I might be writing about next. No spoilers, though!"





	1. Call Me Queen

I finish typing up my most recent work and click save. When I turn around, Ricochet Flores is behind me with a cup of coffee. "Deputy, how are you holding up?"

Rico rubs his shoulders and shrugs. "I mean, acting is a great job and all. Sometimes it's fun to be able to put my talents to use, but I really don't like those scenes where I have to run my ass off. It's gross."

I crack my neck and knuckles, then swivel around in my chair. "Honestly, I agree. But it's what the script demands. You gotta run from an obsessive, psychopathic hoe who can't tell if he wants to pierce you with his knife or with his penis."

Rico just laughs and shakes his head. "The boys are weird about it sometimes. Some of them are gay for pay, but honestly with how they don't shy away, I would totally think they were bisexual."

"Valid," I shrug. "What was your favorite scene so far?"

Rico puts a hand on his chin. "If I had to pick just one, I'd say kicking back with Adelaide was great."

I stand up and walk closer to Rook. "How do you feel about this sudden rush of porn?"

Rico laughs and takes a sip of coffee. "Fun as hell, man. Poledancing and biting are totally great."

"Might wanna add rimming and threesomes to that list."

Rico's eyes widen. "No shit, a threesome? With who?"

I look at the camera and smile. "Spoiler alert, camera men." I look back at Rook and say, "It would have to be *censored* and *censored*."

"Man, are you trying to tear my asshole apart?"

"At least I'm not trying to make you use twerking as an offensive maneuver anymore."

Rook scratches the back of his neck. "Where the hell did you get the idea and technique anyway?"

"K**jo," I respond. "Aw shit, that was censored?"

"Sorry, we could get in legal trouble," the crewwoman answered.

I shrug. "It's a sports anime where girls fight each other with their asses and boobs, I loved it."

Rook raises an eyebrow and scratches his chin. "Really? I should try watching it with John some time."

"He will finally understand my brain if he does," I nod with Rook.

"What's up, Director Flowers?" Adelaide Grande walks in holding two cups of sweet tea and handing one to me.

"Thanks Addie, and you don't need to be so formal," I tell her after a sip. "We're off set, so just call me Queen."

Addie laughs obnoxiously loud while Rico spits his coffee back into its cup. "Christ, Flowers, I'm trying not to stain the carpet here," he says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

I wave my hand and shake my head with a smile. "I waterproofed the carpet. I spill too much shit in here."

~ Cut: moving on to interviews ~

QUESTION: Who's your favorite crew member?

\- Director's Cut -

I sit on a chair and adjust myself. "I'd have to say it would be Rico? He puts up with my shit on the regular and he deals with my taxing scripts. He's the real MVP."

\- Rico's Cut -

He looks down, then looks back up again. He bites his lip. "Jacob."

From the distance, Jacob asks, "Any good reason why?"

"F*** off, Seed."

\- Adelaide's Cut -

She smiles. "I absolutely love my baby boy and my queen! 'Course, can't forget my 'son' Hurk, too. All three work really hard and I have to say. I love Rico for being such a dynamic person and actor. I love Queen for slaying the masses. I love Hurk for not holdin' anything against me when we have a scene where we fight."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Jacob tried to choke me to death in his chest. Not that I minded, but I still have scenes to direct, you know!"

Rico walks into my room with a cup of coffee again. "You know, it wasn't even that hard today," I tell him. "I don't think you need coffee."

He gives me a blank stare but says nothing otherwise. I stand up and walk past him, exiting my room and checking out the break room. Jacob Seed and Hurk Drubman are chatting. They're both nursing cups, but I can't tell what's inside. "So I hear yer in the next scene," Hurk says to Jacob. "What're ya doin'?"

"Threesome," Jacob responds curtly. Yeah, sounds about right. "As long as I'm not bottoming, I guess."

"Basically," I say while walking in, "but how do you feel about having to do a scene like that?"

Jacob shrugs. "Wouldn't be the first time. I've been invited more than once, but I think this'll be my second time doing this."

"The fact that ya got experience at all is scary," Hurk interjects with a laugh. "Then again you're mighty fine so it'd be a sin not to tap that."

Jacob turns to Hurk with an amused look on his face. "You trying to get in my pants?"

Hurk raises his mug. "All I'm sayin' is I appreciate a fine man when I see one."

"If you two keep this up," I tell them, "I might have to write it."

Rook rushes out of my room with his coffee. "DO IT. I NEED A BREAK."

All three of us turn around to look at Rico. "You okay?" I approach him and pat his shoulder, leaning in to whisper in his ear, "You're gonna have to do a threesome with Jacob and *censored* but I assure you I'll try to make them as gentle as possible, please don't leave."

"F***, I need a fight to clear my head." Rico sips his coffee with a defeated look on his face.

"You're not gonna jump in right away, I think," Jacob says to Rico in an attempt to cheer him up. "You're just watching me drill into *censored* for a bit before you jump in and get sandwiched."

Rico blushes upon hearing "sandwich". "I mean, I do like sandwiches but..."

"You'll enjoy it, dude," Hurk says to Rico. "Plus I gave your ass a break with how gentle I was, remember?"

"Yeah, but here's the problem," Rico starts. "THEY BOTH HAVE HUGE MOTHER****ING D***S!"

I smack Rico on the shoulder. "We're on prime time, chill out because it's a pain to insert bleeps you a**hat." I let out a blank stare as soon as I finish. "Dammit."

"Maybe Flowers should get in on a scene once in a while," Jacob huffs out his response, taking a sip from his mug. "Rico could get a break while we pound the director."

"Holy sh**, stop it guys," I interrupt, trying to rescue my dignity. "I'm not attractive or experienced enough for that."

"Aw, come on," Hurk says. "I can say yer a cute guy and I'd teach you."

"Y'all, chill," I tell them. "I'm the director. Not a premium actor."

Jacob looks me up and down. "Not that I'm interested in men, but I can agree with Hurk. You're cute and look like you'd take a lesson or two really well."

"I am going to throw whatever is in that mug on your face if you don't cease," I try to threaten Jacob. 

He walks up to me with an easy grin on his face, his chest against mine. "These muscles aren't for show, Flowers. There's a reason why Rico here calls me Tree Trunks."

"Jacob Seed," I say in an even tone, "are you threatening me with your thick thighs?"

"Maybe," he laughs back. "What's it to you?"

I lean down and sniff his chest. Gunpowder, I guess. "You could just shove me into your chest, noogie me, and I would still date you. Even if you're just gay for pay."

Rico playfully shoves my face into Jacob's chest from behind. "There, now give the noogie, Jake."

This is why I should shut up when I try to be scary. "Roger," Jacob says, locking me in place with his left elbow and giving me a noogie with his right hand. 

I let out a scream that's muffled by Jacob's mountain bear chest. I smack his shoulders in an attempt to make him let go. If he won't, I will seriously have to use my squat training to use.

"Nice try, director, you asked for it," Jacob says with a laugh. Hurk and Rico are laughing, too. Not for long, I guess.

I widen my stance and reach under Jacob. Hurk sees what I'm trying to do, assuming I'm just grabbing some ass before I die. Yes, but no. I clutch on to Jacob's ass, and with some effort, I lift him off the floor.

Everyone except Jacob is impressed. Even the camera crew are cheering me on. "F***, put me down, Flowers!"

I set him down as gently as I can and walk back to my room. I'm not dealing with that again.

~ Cut: moving on to interviews ~

QUESTION: Who in the crew would you smash and why?

\- Director's Cut -

I blush and fan myself. "Who came up with this question without my permission?"

"Answer the question, Flowers," Rico and Jacob yell from the background.

"Look forward to your salary revision next month, b****es!"

"I'm sorry director," the crewwoman says, "but you actually have to answer the question."

"S***," I curse softly. "Um. Can we come back to me later? When I actually have an answer?"

\- Rico's Cut -

"I hope my pay doesn't get cut," he says quietly. "But anyway. Have you seen Hurk? He'd be a great all around partner. He can cuddle, he can f***, and he can cook. Sometimes he brings snacks for the crew and it's really nice after an intense and tiring scene. And his cooking is just...divine. Why wouldn't you date him, right?"

\- Hurk's Cut -

"Well, that's a bit of a tough question. See, everyone here looks nice and I'm bi. I think I'll just lift off one gal and one dude," he says, scratching his chin. "Well, Grace is hella strong and independent. I can really appreciate that in a woman, especially since I already know how to cook. She won't need to be bothered."

"Now as for a dude. Hm," he wonders outloud. "Maybe... maybe Sharky? He's a fun lovin' son of a b**** and I hear he surfs in his spare time. Now that's a guy I'd chill with for the rest of my life."

\- Jacob's Cut -

"Easy," he says. "Adelaide."

"But why," the crewwoman asks.

"Because. It's Addie?"

"That... doesn't answer the question."

"Because she'll come in hot and ready like a bride on her wedding day."

\- Director's Cut -

"I've got it. It's gotta be John Duncan," I say with a triumphant tone. "I hear he's a freak but loving, too. I want that in my life because I'm problematic."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hurk is tryna get in Jacob's pants hurrdurr


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I met our newest member, Garret, today. He seemed really comfortable with John. And why is John even here? He's not supposed to be in today."

I walk out to the common area, taking stock of the new addition. "Garret Johnson, right?"

Garret's head snaps up, then turns in my direction. "That's me, whatcha want, boss?"

I laugh and locate a nearby couch to sit on. "Just call me Flowers, everyone here does."

"Sure thing," he says, taking a sip from a straw. "Didn't think I'd have fun in the porn industry."

I give Garret and incredulous stare. "A bit brash but I'm not gonna lie, that's what I'm starting to think of this place with the scripts they're allowing me to direct."

Charlemagne "Sharky" Boshaw walks in with a mini tub of ice cream. "Sup, dudes?"

"Hey, bro," Garret responds, raising a fist to meet Sharky's. "How's your lips?"

"Could ask the same of you," he responds, "but not too painful or anything. Just a bit bigger than usual."

"Great," Garret says, "I was hoping I wasn't being too rough on you with the smoochin'."

"When will I have a turn?" John Duncan walks in with a steaming mug, the scent of tea wafting from his general direction.

"Not for some time, I think," I tell John. "Sorry, but you're popular enough."

John considers this with a sip of tea. "Fair enough, but I was interested in doing a scene with Garret. His character's casual depravity would make for fun interactions with my character's uptight hold on religion."

"Casual depravity," Garret says, rolling the description on his tongue. "Sounds about right, honestly."

Sharky smiles and raises a fist to greet John. "Sup, Duncan?"

John smiles in return, raising his fist to meet Sharky's. "Just 'John' or 'bro' is okay with me. No need to force yourself to adjust."

Sharky looks at his watch. "Aw, man, look at the time," he says, worry settling in his voice. "I'll be late for my date! I have to go, but I'll be right back to finish up some regular work."

"You have my permission," I say to Sharky. "Have fun on your date."

"Thanks, Flowers," he says, dropping his spoon in the sink and walking to the door. "See ya later, dudes!"

We all say our goodbyes to Sharky. Well, as long as his date doesn't interfere with shooting scenes, I have no reason to worry. John and Garret eventually sit each on one side of me. "Yes, what is it," I ask, not used to having my space invaded by the cast.

"So," John starts, his hand discretely resting on my thigh. Jesus. "Will you cast me and Garret for a scene together, or will I have to persuade you?"

"Yeah," Garret says, pulling me into a one-arm hug. "Hit us up with a script, Boss Flowers."

Incoherent screeching. That's all I can say to describe the noise I made. I stand up and move away from them, almost knocking a piece of furniture over. "Stop, stop, stop. My schedule's already been a bit thrown off with the sudden addition of Garret to the cast. And I know you watch the interviews, Duncan," I throw a mean glare at John's direction. "Don't seduce me into throwing you a bone."

"Look," John slides into Garret's arm, both of them looking natural. "All I'm saying is to give us a chance to practice a scene in front of you. Then you can decide whether it would be worth it to throw your schedule to the wind."

"I'm still writing two scripts, calm yourselves," I explain, already wanting to walk out and leave.

"I'm preferring the option where you forget about the schedule, Flowers," Rico walks in, supposedly having heard everything. "My ass is gonna be sore after that threesome and it's honestly still a bit sore thanks to Sharky."

I stare at the three boys incredulously. "I'm going to throw all of you out. Stop bullying me," I sigh. "My nerves are already constantly frayed from working with so many attractive men, the only people saving my sanity are the girls."

"Oh, yeah, Flowers," Rico says, looking at me seriously. "I need to take yoga lessons for my ass. You understand, right?"

"Sure, I can hook you up with a friend if you want? Discount and I can guarantee the quality, too."

"The discount is a bit much, but I'll take the suggestion," Rico says. "Mind sending me the contact details?"

"Yeah, sure. Expect a text in 30 minutes," I tell him.

"Thanks, Flowers. I'll be in my dressing room if you need me." Rico walks off to return to his room. He's probably gonna take a nap, since I set up a bed for him there. Being a bottom is hard work and I would know.

"Oh yeah, boss Flowers," Garret speaks. When I look at him, he and John have already gotten pretty comfortable together. Theyre both leaning to the side. John is resting against Garret's chest, and I honestly shouldn't say anything but they look so peaceful. "I heard you got a new application for another employee."

Right. "Well, I have to sort out their information and private experiences, and also what they can or can't do." Seemed promising, actually. And it brings an interesting, if immersion-breaking, idea to the table. "But he and I have talked and we considered otherworldly warrior sent by magic."

"Isn't that a bit of a bold idea," John asks, already seeing potential consequences.

"Obviously, they won't have their abilities intact because of how different worlds have different physics and laws," I reply, already putting some research into fiction with multiple worlds. "Though if I can't really convey that properly, then the character just looks like a crazy person."

"Things can always be changed," Garret says. "No reason why you can't talk more, right?"

In all honesty, I just wanna write someone who fights and gets dominated by Jacob. It's the only excuse I have. "We'll need to talk more about it anyway."

"Cool, we'll be right here if you need anything," Garret replies. He leans his head closer to John's, and the two just look like a couple napping after a long day. What the hell, John wasn't even supposed to be in today.

~ Cut: moving on to interviews ~

QUESTION: Who are you most afraid of and why?

\- Director's Cut -

"Duncan," I answer hastily. 

"But why?"

"Remember the last question I answered? He's a bit too freaky for his own good and I wonder if he understands the power he has that could rip me to shreds."

\- Rico's Cut -

"I'm kinda scared of the new guy because I don't know what he's like just yet." He tucks stray hair behind his ear. "But when I get to know him, we'll all be fine and dandy. I'm not really afraid of anyone here because our boss screens the employees and he has very good judgement."

\- Garret's Cut -

"Eh," he kicks up a leg and folds it on his lap. "Dunno if I can really answer that just yet, I don't have a solid opinion. I just sent in my resume and got hired after a spot check. But if I were forced to answer, I would say I'm scared of Jess. Sometimes she goes into character even when we're off set. She's one of those actors that really need to immerse themselves to get it done right."

\- Sharky's Cut -

"Man, I'm scared of the girls. Had rough experiences in the past, even though none of the girls here have nothing to do with it. Just ingrained and it's not even their fault. I feel safer around my bros, though I feel okay around Adelaide sometimes."

\- John's Cut -

"I wouldn't be afraid of anyone. Everyone should be afraid of me," he says, a small grin on his features. "I will never bring my issues in here, though. I made sure the boss can trust me on that."


	4. Drought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heckin tired man, I feel brain dead lol

I feel uninspired. Maybe I should take a break.

"Flowers," Garret calls as he walks in the room. "You alright, man? You haven't really been leaving your office."

"Yes, I'm fine. Just feeling like I'm having more difficulty writing than usual."

"Oh," Garret says awkwardly, trying to think of something to cheer me up. "I like the stuff you had me do with John. One minute drunk and horny, the next sober and conflicted. Kinda interesting."

I groan. "Thanks, but I don't know if I can force myself to write when I feel dry."

Garret walks up to me and pats my head. "Chill. Ideas will come. Just gotta wait."

I lean back in my chair. "This was easier when I was passively a reader."

"It'd be a waste to avoid writing. At least let your ideas sit for a bit then write on them?"

"At the rate I'm going, I don't think I'll be able to make a question for the interviews later."

"Tough," Garret comments on my anguish. "Best of luck, man."

"Yes," I respond curtly. "Thanks."

Just as Garret leaves, another person enters. "Sir?"

Michael Mikotoba, newest addition, peeks his head from the door. "Come in," I tell him. I turn my chair to face him. "And just call me Flowers."

Mike walks in and extends his hand. "It's nice working with you, Flowers."

I take his hand. "Yeah, yoroshiku."

Mike smiles, trying to hold a laugh. "No need to address me with Japanese. I'm sure you've only really picked up certain phrases from your pastimes."

I tilt my head and shrug my shoulders. "I guess."

"May I ask why I've been called in?"

"Just wanted to check if you're liking the experience so far."

"I'm doing well," he politely responds. "And you, Flowers?"

"Could be better. I have stressful stuff outside the workplace to deal with." Mike only nods and gives an apologetic smile. "Do you know where the chamomile tea is?"

"First cabinet, top shelf, upper left," he responds.

I stand up and pat Mike on the shoulder. "I was wondering who rearranged the supplies."

Mike sputters and coughs. "I'm sorry, was that bad?"

I shake my head. "Needed rearranging, anyway," I turn the doorknob and walk out to grab some tea.

Joseph Oliver is sitting on the couch with a cup. "Fancy seeing you here, Flowers," Joseph smiles and pats the seat beside him.

"I literally work with the employees," I dryly remark and grab a cup. I reach for the tea and make the necessary preparations. "How'd you like Mikotoba?"

"A pleasant and polite man, much like I. I do wonder if he knows he might eventually have to do immodest things."

"I always check for that," I place the herbs inside a teapot and set it on the stove. "I might as well be asking 'are you a pornstar' with how bluntly I have to check."

Joseph chuckles and sips his drink. "Perhaps."

 "I'm gonna write something fluffy now."

~ Cut: moving on to interviews ~

QUESTION: What's your favorite fruit?

\- Director's Cut -

"Mangoes," I reply with little hesitation. "I've been especially fond of treats like mango crepe, mango sago, or mango taho." I crack my knuckles and stretch my back. "Google it if you don't get it."

\- Garret's Cut -

"Hm," he makes noises that sound like thinking. "If I had to pick just one, I'd say durian. Shit smells stinky but the flavor is something else entirely," he remarks with a huff. "Just, you know, cover your nose?"

\- Mike's Cut -

"I would say peaches," he smiles and gracefully tucks hair behind his ear. "They're quite soft and sweet. Easily a comfortable treat to fall back on when needed."

\- Joseph's Cut -

"Well," he starts, holding his thoughts until he could come up with a satisfactory answer. "Maybe... no, not that. Then... not that either."

"Are you okay?"

"Let me ponder for a moment longer. I'll have my answer in a second." He rubs his face with his hands. "Perhaps I will pick oranges. I quite enjoy the amount of juice in oranges, and the flavor is pleasant when it is the right ripeness."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying something new that will let me explore Rico's character and also updates on what comes next. Tell me if it's a dumb idea or a brilliant one.


End file.
